This is my 500th blog.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Five. Hundred. Blogs, all written over the past four years, three months, and 23 days. Although, you know, who’s counting.
I love this forum. I TOTES ADORE this forum. I love the peeps who tolerate my ranting, and inspire my raving. I wish this could be my full-time job. If it was, I’d spend hours every day not only writing about my complicated life – really, how often can three children do stupid stuff? – but also combing the news for interesting tidbits I think you should know, and giving you my informed, eclectic take on such tidbits.
For example: Yesterday was National Punctuation Day. It’s an excellent opportunity to teach your children the importance of commas and periods. (Tip: Advise them to always avoid the semi-colon. It’s too advanced for most of the American public. Also, ignore the punctuation in the second paragraph of this piece. It’s just for effect.)
Anyway, when my 6-year-old gets home from school, we will discuss a note she wrote to me, which reads as follows:
I LOVE. YOU SOOOO MUCK.
You can see how this could be misinterpreted, unlike the phrase MOMMY HAS A GIANT BUTT, which seems pretty fucking clear without any punctuation at all.
Okay, hold on. I’m off track.
AHA! YES! BLOG #500!
And I want to write 500 more. But due to the rising cost of good gin, I can’t keep doing it for free.
This really bums me out. If we lived in a more communist socialist equitable nation, perhaps I could. But we don’t. #capitalismpitfalls
So I’m going to ask you for money.
HOLD ON, DON’T CLOSE UP YOUR BROWSER. I’m not asking for much, and even if you don’t give me any, you can still read my blog for free. I’ll explain that in a minute.
Basically, we’ve set this up like an online magazine subscription. The cost is $3.99 per month, which is less than a grande soy cappuccino, or $39.99 per year, which is less than a tank of gas. You can cancel at any time. Refunds will be issued for one month only, and will be mailed to you in nickels.
Work with me, people. Look, I have shared my sexual fantasies with you. Isn’t that worth some pocket change?
If you subscribe, you’ll have access to my archives, which contain the above mentioned sexual fantasies. (Remember the Handyman?) I’ll also be posting more often, and many of those posts will be for subscribers only. And you will get emails, no more than one a day, providing you with a direct link to the site. Finally, you’ll get a discount on the cool t-shirts I may or may not soon be selling.
If you don’t subscribe, you can still access my main blog, and read the post of the day. And I will still like you.
OH! GUESS WHAT ELSE? You’ve probably noticed that I’ve moved to a new site. In the off-chance that I become a household name, it’s better for me to live at triciabooker.com, although I still have a mean left hook.
My short-term goal is 100 subscribers. Can you help me get there? Then I’ll aim for 1,000. Then, I run for the U.S. Senate.
Thanks for reading all the way to the end. PEACE.