‘Tis the season to FREAK OUT, right? Or is it just me….

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Are you stressed to the max? Is it Facebook? I blame Facebook. If I see one more post about loving families doing holiday whatever together, I’m going to plug myself into the tree lights. It’s not that I don’t WANT to be all festive and jolly, but between homework and shopping and feeling guilty because my house doesn’t look like a glittery tinsel factory, I really just want to lie down for a day or a week.  I thinkRead more

I’m back! The same, but different.

PART I I’m emerging from the Place of Perpetual Grief, a strange state of being in which I constantly question every tear, every smile, every lump in my throat. Is it real? Is it feigned? Am I sad because I’m supposed to be sad, or because my dad has left me? Or both. Then my writer-sister-friend Gale Massey sent me an article in which the psychotherapist Francis Weller is interviewed. Weller maintains that modern American culture discourages us from “grieving rituals” common to other cultures, andRead more

Homework. Let me tell you where to put it.

The homework fairy visited again last night. His handwriting is as messy as the Pterodactyl’s, which is how we get away with it. Or maybe we don’t get away with it. I don’t care either way. I thought I didn’t like homework as a kid, but that’s nothing compared to how much I hate it as an adult. If you are a teacher, please accept my apologies for all the different ways I might offend you here. But honest to Socrates, if youRead more

The Attachment Chronicles, cont’d again

The first pancake stuck to the pan. The second pancake was burnt, and by burnt I mean cooked. The third pancake smelled like popcorn. What? The fourth pancake was perfect, but needed a side of cheese omelet. He ate it all while missing the bus. But the bus makes a loop, so we caught it on the flip side. By that time, his regular seat had been taken, so I watched through the cloudy bus window as he sat uncertainly byRead more

The spirit of Christmas, Part 1.

If a dog eats a treasured piece of artwork, but leaves only the cardboard mounting so that you’re unsure which treasured piece of art has been eaten, was it really very treasured? Let’s go with no. I might feel differently after the evidence morphs into colorful logs of poop. At least Damn Gem didn’t eat any hidden Christmas presents. I know this for a fact because I haven’t purchased any. Oh, Christmas. Can you remind me again of the reason for the season?Read more

SEARS SUCKS, SEARS SUCKS, SEARS SUCKS, and I decide to stop yelling so much.

I Googled extreme left side lower back pain, persistent cough, and armpit pimple, and discovered that I’m dying and may need to have my spleen removed. Buddy the Wonder Dog must sense this diagnosis, because he’s sprawled belly-up next to me right now pretending to be dead. He’s so good at playing dead that I just checked his breathing. I’m not sure if he’s being all simpatico or just making fun of me. Pfft. Here’s an interesting byproduct of havingRead more

A new CrossFit gym, fallen heroes, and working out for a reason

Did I mention we’ve joined a new CrossFit gym? It’s called the Black Hive, so now I’m a member of the Hive. #badassish Hot Firefighter Husband and I are the oldest people working out there by about a hundred years, which is sort of awesome because people look at us like DA-AMN, I hope I’m like that when I’m old. Which we are not. But you know how silly those young hipsters can be. Also, there’s some sort of unwritten rule at theRead more

A Facebook challenge I’ll do. On my terms, of course.

No one challenged me to dump a bucket of ice water on my head, which I can barely believe. Don’t do it now; the moment has passed. Anyway, I’m so bad at these weird pseudo-obligations. My cousin Mary tagged me on Facebook to do a gratitude challenge – I was supposed to name three things for which I’m grateful for five days straight. I did two days. That’s pathetic. I just forgot, honestly. But damn, if that’s not symptomatic – IRead more

Food, Inc., My-Left-Hook style. What we’re not eating this time.

When the Pterodactyl was a toddler, he’d often wake during the night screaming like his head was on fire. He sounded like – duh – a baby pterodactyl. Trying to soothe him was futile; he flailed and wailed, his brown hair slick with sweat as he tried to climb out of his mental pit of despair. Hot Firefighter Husband whispered sweet calming words that floated up into oblivion: It’s okay, darling, we’re here…It’s Mommy and Daddy….Shhh, shhh, we’ve got you…..and I heldRead more

An evening bike ride with the Tyrant

It was beautiful evening for a bike ride. I decided to pedal over to our old neighborhood to pick up the coffee delivery that Hot Firefighter Husband had sent to our old address. It’s maybe a 2-mile ride. I asked the Tyrant if she wanted to come. “SURE!” she said. With enthusiasm! Like she’d been waiting her whole life for this kind of opportunity. It might have been the longest 45 minutes in history. Here’s an approximate transcript: Are you ready, Mom? Are youRead more