WHAT I’M READING: Dream Chaser by Pat Spears

As you may remember from my Anniversary Love Post, my husband wasn’t really my type.** My exes were the gritty boys, the ones with dirt on their boots and good intentions always waylaid by smoldering temptations. Throw in a couple of well-placed tattoos, a minor arrest record, and a motorcycle? Bam. Just take me right here in the barn, boy. **Please reread the Anniversary Love Post if you don’t remember that I adore Hot Firefighter Husband, even though he won’t get aRead more

CrossFit and writing and wayward thoughts

I have a whole list of things I need to write about. You people need an update on my house. We’ve got new Pterodactyl developments. Hot Firefighter Husband found a romantic streak. I have a secret I’ve been keeping from you, which is not a secret if you’ve seen me in person lately. It’s been weeks since the Savvy Sister solved any of your problems. And the Tyrant completed an illustrated short story collection. But a giant PacMan hovers over myRead more

Dildos, and why I write about them.

A family member politely asked me to remove the Facebook picture of me with a giant purple dildo. I was all, What? Why? It’s kind of a flattering photo. And she said that since one of her family members is Facebook friends with me, his employer could check out his friends and somehow zero in on me and see me posing with a giant dildo. “It was a Dildo for Jesus,” I told her. That’s what the sex toy lady said.Read more

We’re selling our house, the boy is freaked, and the Tyrant thinks she’s a princess. Also, what’s this stuff worth to you?

I would like you to subscribe to my  blog. Here’s why, in the form of a story. We are putting our house on the market because we need to downsize financially. But that has nothing to do you with you or my blog or subscriptions. I’m telling you that because the Pterodactyl is FREAKED THE FREAK OUT and cries every day. Remember, he doesn’t like change unless the change includes an immediate trip to Target. We had to tell himRead more

Dear Savvy Sister: Yea vs. Yeah. GRAMMAR TALK!!

Reminder: the questions posed in this occasional column are written by actual people.  Dear Savy English Teacher Sister, Concerning the usage of Yea! and Yeah…Am I correct to write “Yea!!! It’s a GNO!!!” and “Yeah, I’ll meet you at 6 a.m. for a long run.” (The first as an expression of excitment, and the other as the the slang of yes.) I see various forms on FB and want to be sure I am expressing myself correctly. Your expertise isRead more

Writer’s block, which reminds me: New tattoo news!

Great Balls of Dog Hair, this blog is so much work. Really. Like right now, at 6:37 am on a Saturday morning, all I want to do is scroll through Facebook and read about how John Travolta is gay, and I’m stuck here with a blank screen trying to come up with something funny/poignant/revealing/life-altering to say. JUST FOR YOU. I started to write a play about the Olympics-watching scene in the My Left Hook family room last night – THERE’SRead more

What’s next on my agenda: Not another dog

What? Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there waiting. I’ve been busy looking for ways to upend my life. Because that’s what I do when I’m nervous. I’ve got some Guillot in me – Guillot was my grandmother’s name – and thus am a direct descendent of the Nerveenas, a group of women like my mother who worry with equal fervor about constipation, burnt roux, uneven fingernails and nuclear proliferation. Cymbalta helps temper the Nerveena in me, but still sometimesRead more

Dear Savvy Sister: Do I matter?

REMINDER: The questions posed in this occasional column are written by actual people.   Dear Savvy Sister, I feel marginalized and I think everyone kind of does no matter what … or maybe not if you have a serious personality disorder. Discussion: perfectionism, defeatism, and possible solutions : ) Sincerely, Average Josephine     Dear Average, I’m so glad you ended your question with a smiley face. I assume that’s your subtle method of asking me not to diagnose youRead more

TMI, Honey! Come on!

“Do you publish all of your blogs?” asked a friend. “Or do you have some hidden away that I haven’t read?” Until yesterday, I posted everything. Then Hot Firefighter Husband and I had a…disagreement. So I have one sitting in the bag. This Embargoed Post was about SEX. It even included the terms fuckery, which is not actually a word, and mind-blowing. I know, I know, I’m disappointed, too. Don’t hate on Hot Firefighter Husband. He deserves some privacy, youRead more

The Paris Wife by Paula McLain: absinthe, anyone?

My book club peeps wanted to read The Paris Wife by Paula McLain. I did not. But I don’t make waves because they graciously allowed me to join their group after my last book club experiment ended with me crying in a driveway. So I read The Paris Wife, and I loved it, which is why everyone should belong to a book club – for the challenge of stepping out of your comfort zone. The novel tells the story ofRead more