A family member politely asked me to remove the Facebook picture of me with a giant purple dildo. I was all, What? Why? It’s kind of a flattering photo. And she said that since one of her family members is Facebook friends with me, his employer could check out his friends and somehow zero in on me and see me posing with a giant dildo. “It was a Dildo for Jesus,” I told her. That’s what the sex toy lady said. I don’t make this stuff up. “That’s another thing,” she said. “Some people might find that offensive.”
Brief recap: I posed with the dildo while at a drag queen show, where girlfriends and I had gone to celebrate a bunch of recent birthdays. It’s not like I was using the dildo. We were just sort of marveling at its…..enormousness. Wouldn’t something like that cause internal bleeding? Also, I had tactfully refrained from posting some of the really heinous commentary of the transvestite who was moderating adult bingo. The stuff about the gerbil still makes my brain hurt. She did explain why the dildos are so big: “Don’t give a woman a small dildo,” she said. “We can finger ourselves.” Oh! Right.
I took down the Facebook picture of me with the purple dildo because, you know, she asked me politely, although now I’m writing a whole blog about it, and of course I used the word dildo in the headline, so we’ll see how that goes. But the incident reminded me of the fact that not everyone appreciates my hilarity, or even understands why I do what I do. And on occasion, people – mostly family members – ask me to tone it down, or not write about a certain topic. They’ve also suggested that writing about my children could cause them emotional harm. Really? More emotional harm than calling them assholes? Although I did apologize for that.
The whole dilemma makes me sad, especially when I let it whittle away at my self-esteem. It’s a form of judgment that’s difficult for me to deflect – let’s face it, I embarrass them. I encounter people every day who, for whatever reason, don’t like me – at the gym, at my kids’ schools, in the grocery – but I don’t care. Fuck ’em. They don’t know me, they don’t get me, they’ll never be (an important) part of my life. You know who you are. But when people I love don’t get me, and essentially ask me to change who I am because they find me offensive – well, that stings a bit. And it’s really not as simple as judgment. Frankly, it’s an intolerance – a failure to recognize that my lifestyle and values, while different from theirs, are nonetheless valid.
I’m open, okay? It’s part of who I am. And I write. I write and write and write, because it orders my thoughts and makes sense of my world. I’m 50 years old – I don’t have a reputation to tarnish or a job to lose. I talk and I write and I wear my heart on my face, and pieces of my personal puzzle maneuver into place. Is that so bad?
12 responses to Dildos, and why I write about them.
Nice headline and opening paragraph, Trish! LMAO on the rest too. I’ve only taken down one post on any of my social media channels. And it was only because clearly, I was the asshole. Clearly. Asshole. So I took it down. The rest? Like you said, “Fuck ’em.”
Mike, you’re still adorable, even when you’re an asshole. Love you, brother.
Do. Not. Change. Unless it is to be even more beautifully you.
Thanks, Elaine. Ditto to you, sweet mama.
Don’t go changin’ on me y’heah?
You keep postin’ dah biggest dildos you can find, an’ yah doin’ fine!
Ah jus wanna see what kinda batteries go inna dem things!
Cousin Tom, it took me a minute to interpret that accent….but it was worth it. ; )
You’re right ! Fuck what people think. Don’t let it effect your self esteem one bit. It took me this whole past year to like myself and if I like myself then it’s all ok. I know how the stings feel. I love how you write and what you write about. If I had been more verbal then maybe my life would be different right now, then again I wouldn’t be the person I am today and I like this person. Keep up the great writing! Thank you for ALL the topics you write about. I can relate to them all.
April, congrats on working it out. You rock. Thanks for visiting!
Tricia- I would be too afraid to ask you to change! I think that you would hurt me! Lol by the way, I am jealous of how good you look in your bikini!! It might inspire me to work out….. Just not tonight.
Loved you before, still love you, will always love you sister!!
It has taken me a week to process the feelings stirred up by this post. I was dismayed that anyone–especially anyone who knows you well–would want you to censor yourself. I was afraid they might eventually succeed. I was angry that people who are probably quite intelligent do not understand the importance of art and artists.
Perhaps this writing you do strikes them as less than vital because you make us laugh and you make it look easy. Tell them I say you are a serious artist and your writing is art. Art only gets us to look at the world and ourselves in new ways because it is honest and courageous and uncomfortable.
You are a great role model. Keep up the good work