Oh, my darling girly. Eat! Eat!

The Diva loves noodles. LOVES them. Like, she has thought about relocating to another family that doesn’t eschew gluten. Full disclosure: I, at times, have thought about relocating, too, and I could not care less about gluten. Being gluten-free and dairy-free has probably been hardest on my Diva. Her favorite foods, besides noodles, include milk, garlic bread, chicken noodle soup, and Hariboo gummy bears – and I recently banned the gummy bears because of Red Dye #5. It’s shocking thatRead more

BIG, GIANT, BREAKING NEWS! ps get your credit card out

This is my 500th blog. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Five. Hundred. Blogs, all written over the past four years, three months, and 23 days. Although, you know, who’s counting. I love this forum. I TOTES ADORE this forum. I love the peeps who tolerate my ranting, and inspire my raving. I wish this could be my full-time job. If it was, I’d spend hours every day not only writing about my complicated life – really, how often can three childrenRead more

Buddy the Wonder Dog grows up, I think. Maybe.

You might recall that Damn Gem, our 10-year-old lab, had surgery a few weeks ago to remove a cancerous tumor. She has made a miraculous recovery, and no longer looks like Frankenweenie. In fact, she seems happier than she’s been in years. Maybe she feels better. Or maybe she’s celebrating because Buddy the Wonder Dog has gone to SERVICE DOG BOOT CAMP! I miss him. But it’s nice to have a respite from monitoring his terrible sock-eating addiction. And DamnRead more

You should adopt! You can always return them with a receipt! Right?

A few years ago, I knew a woman anxiously awaiting the arrival of two little girls from North Africa they were adopting. I didn’t know this woman well, but I chatted with her often because of our adoption link. I could barely contain my excitement about this adoption, and when the girls finally arrived, I couldn’t keep my hands off these darling children – I hugged them whenever I could, and they’d wrap their little arms around my neck andRead more

Monday, (fucking) Monday….why you gotta be so lame?

Oh, dear. Where to begin. Friday night the kitchen sink clogged up. Apparently you are not supposed to pour bacon grease down the drain every day for six months. Where’s that in the manual? Huh? I swear, nobody tells me anything. I left all the dishes stacked up and went to bed, because what else was I supposed to do? The Diva had a sleepover buddy whose mother is Martha Damn Stewart of the South, except she’s cool and notRead more

Rah, rah, ree! No kiddie sports for me!

My kids don’t play organized sports, but yesterday afternoon they formed a club called The Sparklers and took turns cleaning each other’s rooms. They used duct tape to hang up a blanket cordoning off the area so they could surprise us, and posted signs telling us to keep out. Full disclosure: some team-infighting ensued, along with an incident or two involving the vacuum hose. But in the end, three bedrooms and two bathrooms were…..presentable. BOO-yah! Oh, yeah! Take that, haters. Bat-swingingRead more

Dear Savvy Sister: My kid misses her friend. What do I do?

Dear Savvy Sister, I recently had a parenting “first.” Our neighbors moved away, and my 3-year-old daughter is devastated. She was great friends with their 9-year-old son, and they saw each other every day. He was the first kid we met in the neighborhood when we moved in a year ago, and he had dinner with us at least once a week. When we came home from school last week and the moving truck was gone, she instantly started bawling,Read more

We’re all smashed! Some literally, some figuratively.

Me and my brand new iPhone 5 both got smashed yesterday! One of the smashings was entirely my fault, and the other was only partially my fault. I’ll let you guess which was which. It’s a shame, because it was an otherwise glorious day at the beach with BFF and her kids. It ended with all of the children splashing in the rain-pelted ocean, diving beneath the white caps, thunder rumbling on the horizon. What? Gin fosters courage. Honestly, theRead more