Oh, dear. Anita Staver, a Kentucky lawyer who heads up the group The Liberty Council, announced this week that she’ll be carrying her Glock .45 handgun when she pees in Target to protect herself against transgender people.
In case you only read news about the Kardashians, here’s the relevant update: in light of a recent law in North Carolina stating that transgender people must use bathrooms corresponding with their genders at birth, the Target corporation announced that transgender people should use whichever bathroom they feel comfortable using.
When it comes to my children, I worry a lot. I’m scare they’ll be hit by drunk drivers. I’m concerned they’ll be attracted to men like Donald Trump. I worry they’ll do too many shots of tequila at Señor Frog’s Cantina on the Mexican border then try to hitchhike along an abandoned railroad track back to the rented condo where they’re staying with college friends during spring break, which, All Hail Jose Cuervo, does not always end as badly as you might think.
And now I have to worry they might be shot in the Target bathroom by a woman with irrational fears of transgender people. Because, peeps, you really won’t know. Really. For example, you see the pictures I’ve posted here of beautiful women, the ones on the right? Those women were born men. By contrast, those left-side pictures of hot guys, who under the new law would be required to use the women’s bathrooms, were born women.
The only upside to this stupid law is that these delicious dudes on the left would be required to go to the bathroom in the stall next to me, and I’m not entirely opposed to that. But can you imagine? If one of these guys ventured into a North Carolina women’s restroom, complying with the law, and encountered someone like Anita Staver, she might shoot him.
Here’s a final thought: Where do you think all these transgender people have been peeing? Meaning, you’ve probably washed your hands next to a transgender person a dozen times and bitched about the lack of paper towels, or complemented her earrings, or told him you liked his tattoo.
Listen, I get it. We live in a dangerous world. My goodness, former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, a man who was second in line to be president of the United States after the veep, turns out to be a child molester who sent his victims millions of dollars in hush money while he was in office. WHAAAT? Let’s pass a law preventing him from ever showing his face in public again. Now that’s a movement I could support. Transgender people? Leave them alone. At least they’ve figured out who they are. Have you?